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17 August 2011 @ 07:24 pm
Chapter 19: SO MANY BABIES or Galileo, Galileo, Can You Do the Fandango?  

It's another installment of the Kirkegaard legacy, in which Generation 5 grows rather large and I enjoy naming things. You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll scratch your kneecaps! Take it away, Kirkegaards!

Harpo seems to be thoroughly enjoying her new life as a Plantsim, although I find it kind of weird that her favorite food is still hamburgers.

Although I suppose that cows eat grass, so she’s just returning the favor?

I try to send these two on a date, but when I leave them alone for two seconds I come back and they’re both jockeying for nap space on the couch.

And who says romance dies when you get old?

OK, this is a time when it might be appropriate to interrupt your date. I think your daughter-in-law might be giving birth. Guys?

Although it’s not like the younger members of the family are much help.

“It’s-a so shocking!”

Pretty sure it’s more shocking when you’re the one giving birth, Chico.

Zeppo and Lora’s second child is a girl, named Lightning.

“Zeppo, when did we give away naming rights for our own children?”

“Don’t complain, or it will only get worse.”

Paul gets straight to work on babynapping.

She’s not hungry, you idiot!

Zeppo and Lora’s other excellently-named child, Thunderbolt, grows up into a child. He got Zeppo’s big nose, which in turn is inherited from Paul, but he’s still pretty cute so far.

Zeppo attempts to teach Thunderbolt some mechanical skills, but he doesn’t have very many himself and and only manages to freak the poor kid out by killing the surgery dummy.

Also, dear EAxis: I am not a doctor and I didn’t even do very well in bio class, but here’s an anatomy tip. Mouth-to-mouth is used when someone has passed out from choking or drowning. A time when it’s not useful, for example, would be during abdominal surgery.

Sunday morning aunt-nephew pajama baseball is the cutest.

Thunderbolt and Chico get along really well, and they’re always playing together. I don’t understand why Chico hasn’t expressed a desire for any of her own yet...hint, hint!

The Reaper arrives for Grapes at kind of an inopportune moment. Come on, Grim, at least let her change out of those awful orange pajamas.

Grapes Kirkegaard

Parents: Delilah and Samuel Kirkegaard

Siblings/water-balloon-related entertainment: Binky and Ebastian Kirkegaard

Spouse: Paul Kirkegaard, university dormie

Children: Groucho, Chico, Zeppo, and Harpo Kirkegaard

Best known for: Her lifelong friendship with her brick, Sprinkerty.

Fully embracing the utter insanity of her family and her given name by dressing in purple from childhood on upward.

Getting her ailing Romance-Sim of a brother a date, much to my simself’s chagrin.

Surviving multiple assassination attempts by her brother Ebastian...

And defeating an attempted takeover of the neighborhood by his gnome army.

Having pregnancy cravings for strawberry cheesecake and subsequently raising four of the weirdest children this legacy has ever seen.

Winning 2011 Photobomb of the Year.

And now it’s kind of abruptly time for a family vacation! Um, to celebrate Grapes’ passing, or something. Baby Lightning is left at home with Old Coach Guy (that’s the one convenient thing about having him around), and we set off for the family vacation home on Twikki Island.

As soon as we arrive at the house, Chico grabs the newspaper and hurries into the kitchen to read...

Lora (pregnant again, it’s just kind of a thing she does) congratulates Zeppo on being attractive...

Groucho and Harpo have a pillow fight on the lawn...

And Paul decides that now would be a good time to make his grandson uncomfortable.

“Beat your chest like this and holler. It’s manly!”

We set off to explore the island. Hey, look, it’s Random Home Invader Guy from Zeppo and Lora’s honeymoon!

The family visits one of the hotels and immediately all run for the check-in desk and either approve or disapprove of it.

“Can I help you folks? Do you need to make a reservation?”
Nope, just approving of your general existence. Carry on, my good bellhop!

Oh that’s definitely a doctor-recommended outing for an extremely pregnant woman. Yeah. Helicopter tours. Goooood plan. *smacks forehead*

Crap. Crap crap crap. I am such a bad sim-caretaker.

Lora, why don’t you go inside and take a nap and we’ll pretend this never happened.

Back at the house, Harpo breaks the sink again and is filled with rage.

And I conclude that it’s not the kitchen stove at home, it’s this whole stupid family. They’re such pyros!

The group as a whole is too tired, so I send some individuals out on private outings. Chico, ever the mischievous one, pours soap in the shrine of Jumbok.

Note: pouring soap in the shrine of Jumbok may cause the premiums on your traveler’s insurance to go up.

Chico obviously missed the e-mail saying that required attire for the Blue Shirt Tourist Conga Line included sandals with socks.

On an outing, she finds a map to the Mysterious Hut and figures she might as well win herself a voodoo doll.

What is it about fixing plumbing that so uniquely fills Sims with uncontrolled rage?

Meanwhile, Harpo finds a native girl that she actually has high chemistry with (shocker!) and they actually have a succesful date (another shocker!) with Harpo only getting moderately distracted by nearby shiny objects and such.

Now watch while she never rolls a want for this girl ever again. *sigh* Harpo’s love life...I will never understand it.

Back at the lot, desperately-in-need-of-a-shower Lora decides to give everybody a bathroom Hula lesson.

Her pupils, however, were having some problems.

“No, Zeppo, love, it’s “side-step, side-step, left-arm, hip-wiggle,” not “side-step, side-step, puncture-your-sister’s-stomach-lining.” Let’s try it from the top!”

Harpo looks like she'd rather not try it from the top.

It’s about time to go home, and Zeppo and Paul make sure to record the experience with their cameras. They aren’t the world’s most competent photographers, but it’ll do.

With another baby on the way to add to the two children, five adults, and two elders on the lot, Lora decides that now would be the perfect time to adopt a kitten.

Them family Sims, they really get after your for pets sometimes.

Lora welcomes Titus Andronicus to the family.

But it’s worth it for moments like this. Aww, kitty snuggles for little Lightning.

The whole family’s gone a little pet crazy, and one night Chico introduces herself to the Leader of the Pack. Oh boy, more supernatural activity. As if this family wasn’t already bizarre enough.

But it’s actually about to get a little bit smaller, as the Grim Reaper arrives for Paul.
Goodbye, Paul. You were full of fun and pillow fights from the beginning, and I’m really glad that Grapes ended up choosing you.

The family decides that now would be a really good time to adopt a puppy. I’ve been reading a book on Middle Eastern history lately, so this puppy gets named Suleiman, after Suleiman the Magnificent of the Ottoman Empire.

And Lora gives birth to her third child. Giving her first two children weird names like Thunderbolt and Lightning doesn’t seem to have deterred her from popping out more. Time to pull out the big guns.

Everyone, meet Very Very Frightening Kirkegaard.


Yup. It’s on, Mrs. Baby Machine.

Now that Thunderbolt is a child, Zeppo finally gets those “welcome home” hugs he’s been whining for since before he was married.

Isn’t it nice to feel loved, Zeppo?

Chico manages to trap herself in a corner by putting Very Very Frightening down in an unfortunate place.

This is what you get for babynapping, young lady.

Oh, nothing. I just like this picture.

Chico keeps making these wimpy attempts at rekindling her relationship with Trina, but never gets the guts to go through with it.

Come on, man up, Chico.

And speaking of being a romantic wimp, Groucho talks to Ashlee on the phone for hours a day, but still never rolls wants to do more than chat with her.

What is with these guys? Do they have no desire for love at all?

I guess this incident from Uni should have warned me.

Aw, crap. Hey Thunderbolt, your teachers at school do not hear a word about this, ok?

I put Very Very Frightening in a bear costume. You know, ‘cause bears are frightening?

It was funnier in my head.

Lightning grows up into a child, and I must say I like her already. She gets on very well with her Aunt Harpo, and seems to be determined to make a place for herself in the spotlight, despite being the second of Wright-knows-how-many-children of a pair of googly-eyed family Sims.

Since their parents have to focus on the young ones, Lightning and Thunderbolt quickly turn to each other for companionship. They are playing Cops and Robbers in the road one night when Harpo’s carpool straight-up runs them over. Yup, just drives over/through them. They seem to emerge unscathed.

Another thing to not mention at Show and Tell tomorrow, OK kids?

Kirkegaard children. Nothing if not synchronized.

Harpo keeps getting invited downtown by random townies, and having these awkward “outings” with a big herd of fashion-impaired people she’s never met. I’m not really sure what the point of these outing things is supposed to be, but Harpo tends to drink, prank people, play kicky ball, and go fishing.

Whatever floats your boat--er, pollinates your stigma, I guess.

Our group often has a little bit of trouble navigating the difficult getting-into-the-taxi portion of the outing.

Come on, guys, form a queue, one at a time...

On one of these outings, Harpo is somehow convinced to come hang out down at the local convenience store with two teenagers, one of whom used to date her uncle Binky, and her great-aunt Eta, who promptly collapses on the sidewalk due to aspiration failure.

Good. Times.

Harpo! You’re supposed to be teaching Thunderbolt to do his homework!

“We are doing my homework!”

Oh, yeah? How so?

“Well, I guess I’m not totally sure, but I think this is supposed to be an interpretive dance about the Battle of Waterloo!”


“We’re getting a kitten!”

We already have a kitten!

“That’s different. This one is...”


“Darker gray?”

*smacks forehead*

The new kitten, Bronchitis, makes friends with Suleiman the puppy.

Chico attempts to use the voodoo doll she won on vacation to zap the private school headmaster into being friends with her.

Instead, it disappears and knocks her upside the head.

Welp, so much for that.

This pregnancy bump is brought to you by the Council For Things that Surprise Absolutely No One.

Dammit! Stupid Bronchitis the kitten is glitched or maybe just really, really dumb and refuses to eat food of any sort. After repeated warnings the police lady comes and yells at Lora and then takes both cats and the puppy away.

Lora takes a minute to process the information that her pets are being taken away, but once she does she races after the police car, sobbing.

Aw. Stop making me feel all guilty.

“Shoo flee! Aaarrhghghghghhhghh!”

Groucho! Get off the computer! Lora’s in labor!

“Then it must be Tuesday...”

The family has become somewhat accustomed to Lora’s near-constant state of pregnancy.

It kind of reminds me of my high school band teacher. Lady was always pregnant. I swear the woman had like three babies per year for my entire high school career. People said the sentence “Ms. L is on maternity leave” the way you’d normally say “Mr. Smith is in room 502.”

So my high school band teacher Lora has her twins while Harpo nonchalantly does yoga in the background.

These two are both boys, named Donner and Blitzen.

The Sim Humane Society is obviously not very good at doing background checks on families. The Kirkegaards adopt Titus Andronicus back about two days after having him forcefully removed from their custody.

In their defense though, they did feed the pets. Bronchitis was just a stupid cat.

As you may know, we have been trying to kill Old Coach Guy by sending him up and down the Elevator Tower of Doom in an attempt to collect all the ghost colors. The elevator has broken countless times with Old Coach Guy in really rotten moods, but so far he’s just staggered around and then wandered off to use the bathroom. I was starting to get as sick of him as I had of the cow.

However, one day, as Harpo returned from one of her randomtastic outings with the Strugglin’ Townie Brigade, I noticed that Coach was not present on the loading screen.

Sure enough, Coach’s icon was gone and this urn was sitting quietly in the corner of the Elevator Tower of Doom. I didn’t see him die and didn’t notice the Reaper, though he must have died just as Harpo was leaving for her outing.

Uh, let’s call it a victory for the elevator? Cool? Cool.

Very Very Frightening becomes a child and I dress her up as a dragon this time. Dragons are frightening. Especially teal ones.

Harpo, that’s kind of harsh, don’t you think? She’s a kid.

“No, she’s right, this dragon costume only has three fingers and I can’t see the music with this mask on.”

Wait, what the hell happened to the couch? I know I would have remembered moving or selling that. It...what...I liked that couch.

That was weird. Oh well. That’s all for now, hope you enjoyed reading. Comment below!

On the next episode of The Kirkegaard Legacy...Lora manages to remain un-inseminated long enough to go to work! The world is shocked.