It's the time of year again where the cold makes me lazy and you get Kirkegaard updates! Happy New Year, may you prosper, proctor, plunder, and pamper.
What’s this? A New Years' Miracle! Old Coach Guy has come back to life!
Kind of! What happened was, my computer (also known as Shiny) died and had to be taken to the computer hospital. They told me that the computer would be fixed in a week. This would have been fine except that this happened to be exactly one day before I was due to leave for a semester abroad. Isn’t that convenient?
Long story short, computer swaps happened between me and other members of my family. I had a backup that was almost fresh, so everything was OK, except the Kirkegaards have regressed a couple days, back to when Old Coach Guy was still alive and the twins (Lora and Zeppo’s latest set of kids) were not born yet.
In the interval betweeen then and now, I went on the Google and it told me that the Elevator Death does not exist. Myth. Absent from the actual programming of the game.
So much for that. Given this second chance, I decided to kill Old Coach Guy with flies. Unfortunately, Ghost!Delilah got to him first. Oh well.
Speaking of death, Chico gave us a scare due to a glitchy vacation lot that ended up duplicating a car and starving her to death.
Luckily, Groucho and a stranger with a comb-over were there to weep and beg for her life.
Groucho won the fight for his twin sister’s life, and Gim grudgingly reanimated her. They celebrated with an impromptu hula dance.
Back home, I buy a roller rink because why not, and Chico displays her clever money-saving strategy of welding the wheels directly to her feet.
Lightning gets sick, and Chico makes her mediciine with the science career reward thingy. It doesn’t seem to actually do anything (I read somewhere that the game coding for disease-related stuff is real messed up), but “Give Medicine To...” is a cute interaction I’ve never seen before.
Ahhh demon maid!
I feel bad for her actually. With so many people and pets, the house is always such a mess. We work her way too hard; instead of that “Everything’s clean!” message she always leaves saying “It’s a bit late. I have to leave now.” Which is code for “Get me out of this loony bin please!”
The twins are re-born, right on schedule, and once again named Donner and Blitzen.
And finally it’s not just Zeppo and Lora that are getting it on! The romantic lives of the other three siblings are heating up.
Harpo goes on another date or two with Kay the DJ, and while the chemistry isn’t fantastic and Harpo does tend to stop in the middle of makeout sessions and go “I want pancakes!” they seem to be quite fond of each other.
Groucho’s relationship with Trina has finally picked up again after she forgave him for his jealous rage back in college.
Unfortunately, Chico’s relationship with Trina has also picked up agian. So we’re really in the same position we were in years ago at University. Goody.
Since Harpo doesn’t need to eat or sleep, she uses all her extra time to help raise her nieces and nephews.
This is helpful because Lora is still having very exhausting, difficult pregnancies and is more or less always asleep.
Donner gets tired of waiting for attention and learns to climb out of his crib.
Thunderbolt teenifies and rolls romance. He goes wandering the local mall to see if there is anything that catches his eye.
He seems to find this guy attractive, although he appears to have moved quickly past the flirting stage and into the family planning stage. Not a good strategy.
The Lora And Zeppo Endless Baby Train pops out another member. Say hello to our new baby girl, Cabaret Schnitzen.
The ghosts seem to enjoy the skating rink.
Thunderbolt is very good at caring for his siblings, though I’m sure he would rather be doing other things, poor guy.
Lightning reaches teenhood and becomes a Knowledge Sim. I am still very fond of her.
What with all the children that Zeppo and Lora are popping out, it’s easy to forget that Harpo is actually the heir. With the clock ticking down until her elder transition, we still need her to make generation five.
Luckily, for a plantsim that’s easy, so one evening in the living room Harpo pops out our next generation’s heir: Grumpy.
And she can’t even protest the name because she can’t talk. Muahaha.
And since we needed more children running around this house, Lora and Zeppo’s seventh child is born. Meet Dopey Kirkegaard.
Moments like these almost come close to encompassing the insanity that is this household...almost.
But I decided that the only way to truly express the bizarro-world of the Kirkegaard family is to introduce a new segment called:
Sunday With The Kirkegaards
We start off with a bang at midnight, with Lightning leading Very Very Frightening, Donner, and Blitzen in a rousing round of smustling, while Chico attempts to teach Cabaret Schnitzen how to talk.
Lora is out being zapped in the energizer because she can’t keep her damn self alive on her own.
Zeppo is skilling for a promotion, so he’s on the roof with his trenchcoat and silly hat.
Very Very Frightening is asleep, because Very Very Frightening is always asleep.
And baby Dopey has been abandoned in a corner. Good parenting all ‘round.
Lightning fixes a midnight snack for everyone and talks about inheritance checks for so long that Donner and Harpo make a run for it while Chico falls asleep in her macaroni.
Harpo goes and rescues Dopey from where he was abandoned on the carpet, feeds him and then doesn’t seem to know what to do with him.
Lora, fresh from working on kid #8, comes downstairs for a snack and passes her boogeying daughter in the living room.
“I’m dancin’ the awkwardness away!”
Titus Andronicus the cat and Jimmy Stewart the dog suddenly decide they hate each other and get into a big pet-fight.
In the kitchen, Lora munches on some cheesecake. She’s only got eight days until elderhood and three more kids to pop out.
Very Very Frightening has actually woken up and come into the kitchen to have social interactions with others, which her mother congratulates her on.
Outside, Groucho gets interrupted in the middle of practicing his prosecution case by the satellite-smooshed cow.
Chico, needing a break from the insanity, takes over the balcony telescope, silently begging the aliens to take her away.
Zeppo, continuing his promotion skilling after his “study break” with Lora, starts cleaning up the puddle in the bathroom. It could have come from either Jimmy Stewart, who is not housebroken, having an “accident,” the toliet getting clogged, or the shower breaking (all three of which happen on a daily basis). This is a long-term cleaning project for Zeppo, because every time he mops up one puddle, Cabaret Schnitzen and Grumpy immediately splash a new one into being.
None of this amuses Very Very Frightening, who really wanted to take a bath before her early-midmorning nap.
The fall Sunday morning dawns bright and sunny, and Harpo and Grumpy, who are both sunlight-deprived, go out to spend some quality time together outside in nature.
And by that, I mean that Grumpy amuses herself with leaves, puddles, and passing stray dogs while Harpo makes a beeline for the bubble machine.
Groucho takes Dopey out of his crib for his customary 2-sips-of-milk-then-leave-this-bottle-on-t
The smustle party has gotten started nice and early, with Lightning as the leader once again and Donner and Chico making a nice backup team, while Cabaret Schnitzen provides musical accompaniment on the xylophone.
Meanwhile, Harpo wants to take a shower but can’t because Very Very Frightening is taking her usual long, leisurely bubble bath. Two of the family’s four (yes I said four) (yes I am insane) pets, Titus Andronicus the cat and Scrumtilescent the dog, wander in from their breakfast to see what all the fuss is about.
Groucho, after babynapping and feeding Dopey, gets bored of holding him and hands her off to Lightning.
“But I can’t smustle while holding a baby!”
“Too bad, kiddo, I got some stuff to do.”
The telescope is popular today, and Harpo gets shoved by our resident Mr. Big after getting caught peeking into his yard.
Hey, you know she can’t tell your secrets, dude.
A friend of Thunderbolt comes over to visit, and the smustle party goes on. Harpo isn’t sure whether it’s safe to have Donner dancing directly on top of his little sister, but doesn’t know how to broach the subject. Meanhwhile, Lightning grows increasingly distressed about her baby/Smustle dilemma.
“You take it. I need to go dance.”
“Whatta am I supposed-a to do with a baby?”
Zeppo, still aiming to earn a promotion on Monday, goes outside to practice his speech. Yeah. Because lots of people will trust a Minister of Education who goes around looking like that.
Chico hands the baby back to Groucho, who seems disappointed with his new acquisition.
Blitzen: “Don’t even think about it, buddy, I’m under-age.”
Donner and Blitzen have to mostly keep themselves entertained. As children four and five out of seven, they are the middle-est of the middle and are largely ignored. It doesn’t help that I dress them identically except for the ribbons on their hats.
Blitzen (green ribbon) chooses to make his own friends and takes very kindly to Sprinkerty, his late grandmother’s pet brick.
Donner (pink ribbon) prefers more intellectual/less schizophrenic pursuits and reads the morning paper on the porch.
Meanwhile, Very Very Frightening is asleep again. Wake up, Very Very Frightening! It’s time for your teenhood transition. Aren’t you excited?
Very Very Frightening chooses a Pleasure aspiration and gets a scary new look. Soon she’ll be quoting punk rock lyrics and terrifying the bejeezus out of every sophomore in her high school.
Chico has once again been selected in the family game of Hot Baby-Potato, and is pondering what to do when she hears her favorite nephew playing rock piano.
“Frammit, Aunt Chico...”
As night falls, Groucho decides that he wants Scrumtilescent to get a promotion in his security job, so he spends the evening teaching the dog how to “stay.” It takes a while for him to catch on.
Lora dashes inside from whatever she was doing to throw up in the bathroom. Hey, I wonder if she’s pregnant??? (extra question marks intended to show sarcasm)
Chico faces down the cat, Timocil, who is preventing her from cooking dinner by sitting on the only available counter. Thunderbolt, who has still not figured out how to hand off the baby, looks on jealously as his younger siblings munch on grilled cheese.
Chico finally manages to shoo the cat and fix a lovely lobster dinner. Lora, pregnant and starving as usual, and Zeppo, worn out from his skilling marathon, each take a plate and take the opportunity to question Very Very Frightening’s choice of dress.
Grumpy has been outside, neglected and playing in the leaves, since this morning, and is still wandering serenly around the dark, ghost- and stray dog-infested, unfenced yard.
Scrumtilescent has tired of Groucho’s lessons on how to stay in one place and not move, and goes to take a nap on the bed.
After a break, we give it another go, and Scrumtilescent successfully learns to “Stay.”
It is Lora who finally rescues Very Very Frightening from her abandonment on the lawn. Lightning, fresh from a nap, has decided to finish up the day dancing, to the delight of her younger siblings as they try to finish their homework for tomorrow.
So midnight’s rolled around once again, and Thunderbolt has finally abandoned Dopey on the floor and gone back to playing piano.
Well, Ridiculous Pajama Zeppo, what do you think? It’s been quite a day, hasn’t it?
“Indeed it has.”
Play us out, Grumpy!